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The toilets are what I worry about
posted in Travel FAQ.


It might be hard to believe, but millions of people in Asia use the squat toilet every day. You might have even heard that the squat position is better for your system when you void your bowels. But at first sight, the toilet is a bit intimidating. You’ll encounter subtle variations on the squat toilet design, but all consist of two porcelain “footpads” and a long, shallow pan between them.

Step A, if you are wearing trousers, is to make sure there’s nothing in the pockets, for sure as my uncle’s a Buddha, whatever is inside will go plop! into the bowl once you squat. When you are used to sitting in chairs all your life, squatting might be a little hard for you. Try keeping your arms forward for balance or hold onto something near the toilet to provide stability. Men usually find keeping their balance when squatting easier than women – it’s a question of weight distribution in the anatomy. If you are a toilet paper user, find a nice dry position for it – or tear off a line for later use. Obviously, this is where you should judge the amount of cleaning up which might be needed later, and it would be better to err on the generous side.

As a woman, you face the challenge of avoiding getting your long skirt wet. Long skirts are better in less touristed areas, when you are trekking, and generally a female should disguise her outline if she wants to avoid pinches and gropes. If you’ve worn skirts much, you won’t need me – a man – telling how to gather them to the front as you hunker down. Getting the tackle wet is a problem that trouser wearers also need to handle, but (unless your trousers are voluminous like the Asian shalwar style), it is simply a matter of keeping your mind on the job.

Step B – do it!

Step C1 (paper users): when you use toilet paper, look for the little bin where it should be deposited (your nose will hardly let you miss it in most toilets). Don’t throw it down the pan – you’ll cause a blockage. Tampons or sanitary napkins should also go (wrapped) into the bin.

Step C2 (water users): take a look at the four toilets I took pictures of below.
(Click to enlarge the small thumbnail pictures if you want to get even more forensic.)








(click on the small pictures to enlarge)

Toilet one and four each has a water faucet and a small jug standing under it. This is what dreams are made of. With your right hand fill the jug (you could do this before taking the shit – this replaces the stage for paper users where I recommend they tear off a line of paper) and shut off the water. You are still squatting while doing this, OK?

Step D (water users): pour water over the fingers of your left hand into the toilet bowl. Enough to wet them is fine. Now, work those same fingers around your anus to scrub the shit away. You’ll find this strange at first, but it is natural, eco, reliable and just what Gandhi (Mahatma, Rajiv and Indira) did. Soon, you will discover your own scrubbing style. Periodically, pour more water over the fingers to rinse them, letting the waste water drain into the toilet bowl. Some people recommend splashing the anal area with water from the left hand, but I think this gets everything too wet, and mark this style “for advanced users only.” Keep scrubbing and pouring until you’re squeaky clean (I think this must be where the term originated: I wonder, can anybody verify this?). It is an acquired art to keep only the fingertips at the workface, but it will mean considerably less rinsing at the end. You may need to refill the jug.

Toilets two and three are clones on the “village thunderbox” you’ll encounter anywhere away from piped water. Or maybe the toilet had its water supply plumbed in once and the connection perished for some reason. A plastic bucket or an earthenware pot contains the water, which you dip into while holding the jug in your right hand. This container may need to be refilled from outside the toilet. Check water levels before you start; plan in advance in these toilets!

You might see something which looks like a telephone handset beside the toilet. On no account try to phone home with this appliance! It is for spraying your fingers with water, and substitutes for the pouring action from the jug listed above. A small button on the handset switches the spray on or off; if that doesn’t do anything, look for a control tap (faucet) on the wall. Aim the telephone downwards into the toilet bowl as you use it to avoid surprise gushes. All other steps detailed under Step D remain the same.

the 'toilet telephone'

The ‘toilet telephone’ (click on the picture to enlarge it)

Using a toilet telephone is vastly preferable to that other Asian plumbed-in toilet accessory – the anal rinse jet. I have only ever encountered the ARJ on a so-called Western toilet with a seat (another reason for staying with the squat version if you can). The device is a pipe, which may be lurking behind the hinges of the toilet seat, intended to deliver a single jet of water directly onto your anus. I think the idea is that you need to wet your fingers in the jet and rub yourself clean, rather than trusting the force of water itself will blast the faecal residue away in the manner of de-icing a car windscreen. It doesn’t matter what the intention was since I have never had any success with this abomination. Firstly, the effect of a jet of cold water shooting from behind you while you perch on the toilet is extremely unsettling. Secondly, the regulation of water pressure using a simple tap is too coarse: initially the stream dribbles out the end of the pipe, 1/16th of a turn further and the water jet is hosing down your genitalia or (worse) landing in front of the toilet onto your previously dry underwear.

Even purist water users find it helpful to finish the anal cleaning process with one sheet of toilet paper… this keeps you from blotting through your pants. Drop the used toilet paper in the box or bin, as mentioned before.

Step E (all users): Flush the toilet. WCs with plumbed-in water normally flush with a chain and cistern, but toilets two and three need to be flushed by hand. Pour more water down the pan until the toilet resembles the state of cleanliness it was in when you entered.

Possibly the toilet will be standing in a field. Then when you look down you will see space, not any porcelain pan. “Flushing” the toilet in this case is usually a question of throwing leaves or something down the hole to cover your stools. There will be a box of leaves or straw somewhere in the toilet in this case. In outback Goa you may still encounter the wonderful “pig toilet” !

Finished! But not quite… Always wash your hands very carefully after using either the paper or water method. I like to carry a small nail brush so I can feel really clean. You might also find it useful to carry a tiny scrap of soap in a plastic bag, as such material is hard to find in cheaper hotels.

In conclusion, then, I must say that I much prefer the Asian toilet, and where there is a choice – on trains, or when selecting hotel rooms – use that option. You might decide that you want to use an Asian toilet by choice as well after overcoming some niggling fear. The toilets are often cleaner, and are certainly easier to keep clean. Mainly due to a fear deriving from ignorance, many Westerner visitors avoid using squat toilets altogether if they are on a short trip to the sub-continent. This has given Indian hoteliers the idea that the Western-style toilet is somehow a symbol of the future, when in fact (I believe) the opposite is the case!

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